My turning point was in 2014, after a period of depression, suffering, endless pain. I could then starting to level up my consciousness, understanding that I was the creator of all the circumstances I was living. Especially the ones I didn’t want to experience at all! After the Shadow work and going through the process of The Dark night of the Soul I could finally start a new journey to connect with my true self and perceiving we are powerful beyond measure.
I’ve tried to fit in the masses belief system but it all ended up with frustration, fears, anxiety and the feeling of not belonging to the system. After a traumatic separation I really crashed and reached the bottom of all the pain I could ever imagined. Inside that spiral of suffering, rejection I was surviving with one year and half baby in my arms, feeling alone and humiliated. That culminated having panic attacks, particularly in crowed places or next to families with children. The shock was huge and deep. I lost then, all hope in humanity and motivation in existence. That was the trigger for seeking answers.
Through that pathway, I’ve learned valuable lessons. One is that we are responsible for our circumstances. We all have the power of choice. Everything we do, think and say has a matching consequence, wether we are aware of that or not. And we don’t have to carry the responsibility of others people behaviour against us. What others DO it’s their accountability, what YOU DO it’s yours to be conscious about. There for, I took responsibility of my actions and I started to make the changes I wanted to see IN ME. Including being surrounded with people who inspire, nourish, uplift me to be the best version of myself. So I just set boundaries for what no longer serves my pathway and be with peers I want to have in my life.
A special incident marked the journey to reconnect with myself. While sketching in St.Petersburg at the shore of Neva River, a man was drowning in the river, fighting for his life. After hearing the splash in the water, I immediately move to reach him out. Plenty people were walking by and some were just seated next to me, simply observing.
As I couldn’t hold myself to nothing, I gave my arm and called him to make an impulse. It was an intensive moment till he finally grab me. On that moment it was immediate I could fall as well so, in silence, I ask to the divine force or whatever may exist, to give me the strength to hold both of us. I tried to push him but it was too heavy. I screamed for help but even the people one meter from me, didn’t move. I realize I was getting weaker asking for help. That was the moment I ask for all the force of the universe, my guides and all the frequencies that I believed that give creation to all existence, to give me the power to hold both of us. It was an intense moment that cannot be described in words. Seemed an eternity. Finally help came, his family pulled us together. After some minutes, clarity invaded me, I wasn’t afraid of losing my life but I cried imagining my son to be raised without his mother.
This was a moment of big CONNECTION and a huge lesson. We have more power than we believe, we are powerful beyond measure and we don’t even explore what we are capable of BEING and DOING.
I went on a journey of self-knowledge, investing time and money exploring the works of some authors and role models; taking seminars, courses of neuroscience, biology, psychology, quantum physics, Relationships and Love. Through that understanding, I reached the primal importance of Empathy, feeling with others from their perspective, put myself on others shoes, which is totally different from sympathy, where nice words are said with no connection. PHD. Brene Brown is brilliant on approaching guilt, shame and vulnerability.